Seconds.

This past weekend was quite the experience for me.  I had the joy of attending a good friends wedding with a few other amazingly phenomenal friends.  First off, I had rushed down to Chicago from work and ended up stuck in traffic for about an hour and a half and found myself steaming at the lack of public transportation actually moving in a modern city.  It took myself many times telling myself to 'slow down and chill' throughout this bumper interstate that transverses that city.  Finally I took a side street, followed my gps and found myself completely relaxing.  It didn't matter if this route was going to take me 5, 10, or 20 miles outside of where I was focused on going, it was all about getting the space to breathe!  Once again it made me think I need to get out.....it's weird feeling so claustrophobic in a country that is so vast.  I have to wonder if someday this whole planet will feel cramped to me?  I did always want to see what was beyond earth and get that amazing view of our blue planet from space.  :)  And Neptune always seems so beautiful....although a bit cold and gasy. 

As Saturday rolled in, I found myself slowing down and enjoying the wedding, feeling beautiful and more confident than I usually do.  The wedding was beautiful and the company was good.  Throughout the day I found myself opening up and relaxing, it felt good.   It always does me well to be around people who I can just relax and be me with and not feel judged, something I consistently feel at work.

Sunday was a relaxing day and J and I went to see Eat, Pray, Love.  My 2nd time around of course.  It was good for me to refresh those feelings I have about traveling which have come full force with this movie.  I focused in this time with the scene about the box.  The one character had the box of baby clothes, something I was sick to my stomach about (really thinking kids/marriage just isn't me) and the other, Liz's was a box of travel.  So this is my next step in the journey of where I'm headed....I bought my box.  It's a blue, cloth letter type of box with two simple silver hinges on it.  Thank you Ikea, it only costs $4.00.  (I know this trip can be affordable.....and this was yet another 'sign' of sorts!)  Now the box is here, it's started.  The 2nd ticket stub of Eat Pray Love is inside of it.  Let the journey begin continue.

Florence.

So it's only fitting that I start this time writing and of course, like I usually do, try to open with a title. A topic of sorts to get me started.  The one or two word ones are usually my style. Anywho, I knew I wanted to write about Florence and the Machine's song Dog Days Are Over and another moment of 'the universe' screaming out to me HELLO....TRAVEL!  Florence not only is an artist, but also a city in Italy.  Check another city to the list I must visit!   Weird how much things connect.  Maybe I'm looking for it, maybe it's coinsidence, and maybe it's just a fluke.  I'm chosing to believe it's a 'calling' of sorts. 
Now the reason I started to write this blog is because I'm addicted to the song Dog Days Are Over lately.  It's yes, wait for it......a song from the movie Eat Pray Love.  Like Whoa.....but seriously now, everytime I hear it I think of sad days being over and a horizon of bigger and better things to come.  The song talks about running from happiness that's charging at you and wow, that's a lot.  I've charged away from happiness.  I've run from things hiding back into myself, I know I have, but I need to be ready for this happiness to come up to me.  I'm just about ready to go charging at it with a horse of steel.  My Dog Days Are soon to be Over.

Realization Moments.

A weekend of time spent with a few of the girls I hold so very dear to my heart.  These girls are ones who not only care and take care of me, but they also push me.  They've pushed me to look inside myself and see who I am, and they keep trying to show me how valuable I really am. These are a few of the very tiny amount of people who I know really see how difficult I am on myself and how much I've given up, and they've been able to see through it and make me face it.  They don't agree with me all the time, and they don't let me off the hook.  I need them because, I don't always believe this on my own.  Yes, it's been a very hard five years.  My life was uprooted, I've struggled with finances, and I've had my heart broken to a point where I gave up on myself.  I'd stop believing I was worthy of someone else.  I know what's possible out there.  I know how deeply I can be loved.  I know what real love is.  I just struggle with it and with not being able to have it find me again or being able to find it.  Not here to ask for sympathy or to have someone say buck up, I'm here to just let it out and release it. 

....And then I get home, watch some tv and after saying I wasn't going to do it, I turn on the MTV VMA's....and what do I see?  Eminem being awarded the best hip hop song of the year for Not Afraid.....and the girl announces he's already left to go to New York.  To me, yet another sign that a traveling expedition is on my horizon.  I believe the universe tries to tell you things and it just kicked my ass again and told me I will do this.  Peace.